26 days.

that day is coming, and it's alot nearer than i thought, and suddenly i realise that i am actually more scared than i thought i was, or would be.

no kidding.

the part i'd hate most would be saying goodbye, and taking a long plane ride alone after. not to mention that i hate leaving, or people leaving, and at the same time i'm terribly excited AND scared. the mix of the 2 is quite poisonous.

and i also came to realise that there's just so many people to meet+catch up+have chats with before i go, and i feel pressed for time..

pressed for time to say goodbye? :(
how horrid.

i have so many people i cherish, those whom i really, genuinely want to take care of, and love and be there for; but i know that things will not be the same when i go. simply because life will go on, and we will not be sharing mutual experiences anymore. at best, we can only communicate and exchange stories. i will not be able to hug my dance girls, or tease my f5s, or carry/play with my baby ee lyn anymore :(

i think the perceived loss of physical touch is gettin to me.

i know i'm not going for good, but i am going for a long time.
i'm a big girl now... and after giving much, much thought to it, i know i HAVE to grow up. i always thought that i could stay EXACTLY the way i am but it's not actually possible.

my future is very much uncertain- studies, career and relationships, all three.

but i am trusting my God to bring me through. and He will and can never fail me.



oh dear :(