this is my chance to let out some heart liquid, hm.
you...
you know how you always say that your high school years were the best? well i've come to know why just.... now.
you were a whole different person back then.
you were outgoing, witty, smart, charming and had so many things going for you! laid back, plenty of friends, secure and just plain great! a great guy, the nice guy, and certainly not the guy that would finish last.
then your life took a seemingly harsh turn for the bore. you said that if you met the high school version of yourself, he would kick your ass.
and i agree.
in fact, i'd kick your ass as well!
alot of your life you spent complaining about how un-great life is. how it has turned boring, and how you miss your high school friends, and your high school glory days. well i guess it's one thing to miss it, and totally another to keep wanting to relive it.
you'd never move on...
but now i know you have, but only because of the constant pressures and beatings of this harsh world. not because you wanted to embrace life. not because you wanted to live it to the fullest and be open to any sorts of possibilities that could happen to you for the betterment of your "sad life". only because you didn't see an alternative.
in one way it may have been my fault. for not accepting you for what you've done back then. but i guess that was my mistake on one spectrum, and on the other end, it was yours because you let that bog you down for way longer than it should have. i know it was one of the hardest beating you had in that time, but nobody would ever understand the beating i took for you either.
one part of me still believes that you never forgave me for it. you say you have, but really, you don't see it as how that incident made you who you are right now. you still see it as something that was disposable.
and maybe it may have been so.
but it doesn't change the fact that it happened.
you have changed much. you were just so cheery, and now for me to see you reduced into this "settle for less" guy just breaks my heart. you may be happy with what you have right now... that girlfriend you have, that nice house and brown dog that makes you smile, but in the end, i know oh so deep down in my heart that you could have been happier.
and there's nothing i, or anyone else in this world, not even *she; could do about it.
in normal circumstances, i'd say it serves you right for picking that path you chose. but you are you, and i still care lots. so for this once, my bias gets the better of me, and i want to say
May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even if you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.
with love,
keshia.
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