Friday, December 05, 2008

To Duke, with Love

It would be appropriate to start off sombre.


There are so many regrets that I have, or maybe just glimpses of would-be or might-be regrets. Till now I still wonder if you were better off and happier the way you were. Or would you have been better off staying the same and with us...

I never wanted to give you away to somebody else, but I knew that I wasn't good enough for you. I didn't give you the affection and time you deserved, and I wasn't there enough for you.

But you.

You were always there for me. You saw me through many friendships and many boys in my lifetime, and you were always there when I was crying. You always sat beside me never judging me and were always affectionate. You saw me through arguments, you saw me through joy, you danced with me when I got my PMR results, and you sat there solemnly when I had my heartbroken.

You were outrageously naughty. But oh man, your heart was more precious than gold. You had a GREAT BIG heart, and you loved like no friend could ever love me. Even when you made me so angry, so bitter and so crazy, I loved you more than anything you could have made me felt.

I remember many things I did with you. I remember the toy you loved so much. I remember you loved my shoes. More than me. So much so you ate it. I was furious, but you were you. You were a dumb blonde. You were MY dumb blonde. You were big and warm, strong and solid, my friend and my companion.

You were terrified of rain, and more so the thunder.
You loved your ball, and you LOVED playing tug of war with the towel.
You never fussed with showers, but you hated the hair dryer.
You loved eating liver, and never fussed with medicine
You always sat in a funny position, but when you strut, you were magnificent.
You were the peak of the litter, the BIGGEST. The cutest, the smartest but also the dumbest :)

Everybody loved you. Everybody.
Even the seller teared when she parted with you.
You were loved by everybody. Everybody.

I remember you were so stupid... you got hit by a car. You bled from God-knew-where all the way home and laid in front of the gate in your own pool of blood. The stains on the concrete are still photographic in my memory. Daddy didn't tell me what happened, instead he brought you to the vet straightaway to have it stitched up. His heart broke when the vet stapled you together again. But you were on your feet back in no time because you were just so restless!

I liked spending time with you, Duke. I really did. I loved every moment.
I really regret not being able to do more. I really regret not being able be the friend you were to me. I really regret not playing with you more often. I really regret giving you away.

I loved you very much Duke.
Sometimes I dream about you.

Daddy loved you too, Duke. He did. Although I don't know if it broke his heart to see you go into another man's van, it definitely broke mine. I cried all night, and woke the next day feeling the emptiness in the house, already missing all the noises made and smells you had.

Now you're gone, and I no longer can take solace in knowing that your new owner really DOES love you, I feel only more horrid. I hope you lived a good life and hope that you were happy. Most of all I hope you were happy with Keon and his family. I hope they treated you well.

Rest In Peace, Duke.
Though I will never see you again, I will have your picture and it will always be in my frame.

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