Thursday, February 18, 2010

Unspoken.

There is a feeling that jumps out from the bottom of your stomach whenever you see a familiar face. A picture. Or when you get a whiff of a certain distinctive smell.

The feeling that evokes a fear? Or perhaps a forgotten memory?
How about a painfully familiar feeling that you can never put your finger on?
Maybe happiness! Maybe some pang. Or some compassionate pining?
The feeling that takes you back years?


Just today I came across someone VERY familiar. So familiar.
I haven't seen/spoken to this person in 4 years? Maybe 5?
Things didn't end very well. It wasn't bitter-- it was heartbreaking.

My "first love". Or so they're labelled.
The first boy I've ever fell HEAD OVER HEELS for.
Madly infatuated with ideas and perceptions-- putting him on a pedestal.
He was perfect. Perfect to my 16 year old self.

The first time seeing his face-- a crazy amount of emotion flooded into my chest-- all at once! Hurt, betrayal, wonder, captivation, obsession, surprise, greed, anger. AND THEN-- it left me the next second.

I was brought back to 7 years ago when I was giddy.
Hysteric, almost. It was painful, yet it was wonderful.

I cannot fathom the day I him face to face.
What will I do? Will I keep walking? Turn away? Greet? Say hi?

Do I pretend that this person never existed in my life?
Or perhaps start afresh?
Maybe pick things up from where they were left?

---

There is a feeling that jumps out from the bottom of your stomach whenever you see a familiar face. This feeling is largely unspoken.

2 comments:

Sheng Mae said...

I'd usually make a quick U-turn and run the opposite direction. /chicken :(

keShia* said...

haha :) can anyone blame you?? so awkward right? what will you say? or... do? wtf. so awkward.