Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Scatter Brain

Big boring post about nothing.

So how did I end up here? I had this theory about how people my generation probably won't face mid-life crises anymore. Instead, they'd experience a quarter-life crisis. Why? Because people are getting married later and are generally more shielded and pampered by parents.

Here I am, feeling like I'm going through a huge quarter-life crisis. At 25, I just got married, with a mortgage, but no direction in life. True, I'm living my dream (I've always planned to be married by 25, get property before I was 27), but somehow something's amiss.

I'm in no way moaning about how my life isn't awesome enough, because it is. I mean, I'm married to my first love, and I have a house! And a cat.

I am more worried about what I'm doing with my life. Is what I'm doing going to matter in 10 years? Or tomorrow? I'm finding it difficult to contribute anything if I don't see a bigger picture. Earning money to make sure all my ends meet is not a good enough reason for my intellectual being, but it is the main driver for all I do. Which sucks, because yes-- I know. That's life.

We've got no privilege to drop things and go. Just go. "FIND YOURSELF" is an oxymoron because I don't have the time nor the money to. With no time and money, which essentially is an extension of myself, I won't be able to "FIND MYSELF". Basically, I am already here, I am found. So maybe it's not about finding myself, but more about finding something else.

Oh God when will this end.

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