Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Insecurities.

I do most things alone. I've been independent since I was 9? Or younger, I don't know. I stopped with the breast feeding at like what, 4 months? YEA, I didn't even need my momma's titties. Heh.

I prefer to shop alone, drive alone, go on work excursions alone. I don't... NEED anyone to help me do things, really. I mean, sometimes I want them around? But it's not the same as NEEDING them around.

Except.

Eating. I would rather not eat, than to eat alone.
Unless of course I'm at home and there's really nobody else watching. It is, of course, MY home, and what I do in my own privacy is usually done alone anyway.

I would never go out to eat alone. I would never EVER go to a restaurant and say table for ONE. I'm too ashamed, and I think it's just NOT right. I will take all them food away, and sit in my car and eat myself in a separate place where nobody is.

I've come to the conclusion that when doing things with a purpose (ie: work, shopping, errands) I have no qualms being alone. But when it boils down to doing daily things that involve just ME and nothing else but just me? I'm a chicken.

I refuse to eat alone, and I refuse to sleep well without my special pillow. Does that reflect and very INSECURE Keshia? :(

xx

7 comments:

Hijacker said...

You should read Epicurus on Happiness. He thought one of the most important aspect of happiness was friends.

"When I sit down at a table, I don't consider what I'm eating but who I'm eating it with"

Joanne, Zuo-en said...

sigh... i've been saying "table for one" quite a few times lately. i used to think like you, too ashamed/embarassed. now i just can't be bothered. haha dinner date with myself. who cares if anyone's looking! :P most likely u won't ever see the other ppl in the restaurant ever again :)

keshia said...

Hijacker: I like that quote :) Thanks!

Jojo: That's true too! ;P I guess I never really had no choice when it comes to whether or not I have to eat alone kinda thing? Now I still have my car to retreat to. I DON'T WANT TO EAT ALONE! If I can help it :\

aimay C. T said...

Now that u mention... I think Im like that too. Ive looked after myself since I was 6, I dont need anyone.. just want them around... But Ive NEVER sat at a restaurant to eat by myself. Actually I have never step foot into one when Im alone. I just buy take away and eat at home. Interesting. I dont think it makes you insecure sweetie... its more like... I dunno.. just "something"

Tova said...

Have you seen the Friends episode where Rachel eats alone? It is too funny!

Mars O said...

I am the same way, I can't and wont eat alone! I'd rather starve!

keShia* said...

Tova: NO! I should go catch that episode! :)

Mars: Hehehe, I'm not the only one who'd rather starve heehee