I saw my first email on that hotmail inbox. WOAH. Trippy walk down memory lane. Then I came across the FIRST email D sent to me. A desperate cry for emotional help with regards to a girl he was into at the time :) It was cute. Very cute. So articulate, so expressive- I've forgotten what an amazing writer he is..
I follow the thread. Some were lost in translation. Hotmail has a way of screwing up threads. So I merely put the 4 year old pieces back together based on my lousy memory. Every word makes me smile. Every slang we had threw me back to that time and place.
I look at the dates-- 2006. I remember that year. I see and read just how much he adores me. He really ADORED me in those emails, he did. The words he uttered, the teases he muttered. Makes me want to strangle the 19 year old D and make him cry uncle for making my heart flutter like that.
From some dark dusty corner in my inbox, I was led to an email notification from LiveJournal. "OH MY GOD", first thought. I hastily clicked on the link and there it was. The old journals. "of vanilla and coconuts".
His private journal for me :)
Thoughts and things he saw and did when he was in England during the first year of our relationship.
How he adored me :) How meticulous was he? Very. Little droplets of pancakes that he fried up :) He neatly arranged them all to make letters. Letters that spelled out "I love you, assie".
assie- that's what he calls me :)
He wrote in Italian because I took Italian in college. But I know he used Babelfish translations, hee hee :) Aww, my chinese boyfriend writing in Italian for me :)
amico migliore, se siete leggendo questo ... non sarò numero sette
He wrote words that eloquently described the struggle of handling long distance for the first time. He wrote words in white to blend in the background so I could read it and treat it like a secret message :) He always, always, always tried to make things better.
It's been a while since I felt what I felt. Bittersweet.
More bitter than sweet.
I.. just couldn't do it. I didn't want to. But I know I must. Going down the escalator means I'm on my own from then on. Means I'm Mr. Daniel Poon. Not just Daniel Poon.
But most importantly, Daniel without his Keshia.
This? This paragraph? Made me cry. Still makes me cry.
The entire post was heart wrenching. Mine.
I'm ashamed to say that he was so much stronger than I when times got really tough.
My goodness, I'm glad he was that strong. He held us both up when I couldn't cling on. He held my head up even when he was going blind.
He was sweet. But he was strong.
He loves whiskey :)
He sings to me an old song. The same old song for the past 4 years. Stupid song, I sometimes hate it cos he sings it all the time, haha. But I don't hate it. I know he means it. That annoying Incubus song :)
Ugh, and the pranks he pulled! He once sent me an email "from the university", telling me he got expelled because he used MSN and Skype (he told me those were banned!!!). I believed him!! I almost died. I made him sign an agreement never to pull shit like that ever again. I have the picture of the agreement. He agreed. He's still cheeky :)
I can go on forever. But the memories are mine :)
So it's just this: Oh how I love the man who loves me :)