Wednesday, August 18, 2010


I'm a negative nancy.
I try to be optimistic, but past experiences have made me weary and have in fact, drilled into me an innate desperation to never be too happy at any one time. Because the crash is harder and more painful the higher you are. I was, once, a very happy person; but some guy totally ruined my life (at that time) and left me looking at the world in a different light. That outlook stuck, unfortunately.

There is a fine line between being careful, and being scared. I sometimes blur the line, and find myself totally unable to tell the difference.

To be honest (and I say this totally factually), at times I refrain from being too happy. I feel I don't deserve it. I feel that I should protect myself from being too happy lest I get sad again and the pang is only going to get worse if I knew how happy I was and could and should have be/been. Ignorance is bliss. For me.

But Jesus said that He came to give us life. Not just life-- but life in abundance.

Abundance-- an extremely plentiful or over sufficient quantity.
As in, super-- DUPER. Super duper life.

But everybody has their down days, and it's okay. In the same way we won't know sadness unless we have experienced happiness, we do not experience happiness without sadness. All we have to remember is that happiness is a choice. BE happy-- not to happy (as in happify-- if there is such an expression of making yourself happy)

So go on, be happy!
I promise to try to be happy-- extremely. When the time calls for it.

Going off tangent, I believe in a balance-- a non-religious Yin and Yang of sorts.
I'm the negative nancy, and D is my positive reinforcer. He keeps me in check, telling me to be more positive and to make the best out of every situation. You know, instead of being a sappy sulk about it (which makes no difference to the situation). He is truly my better friend.. and half.

I'm the jelly cos I'm more jiggly than you are :)

1 comment:

daniel said...

but you're darker!
at this stage, we're both rotund haha