Thursday, June 26, 2008

Early Morning Zombie

It's late. I've been very VERY unproductive. So unproductive, that I ought to kick myself in the head. But still, knowing fully the things I have to do, I continue to bum around and do nothing. Tsk. Why am I like that. In denial of some sort.

Summer school starts next week, and I'm not the least bit excited, nor am I dreading it. It brings an end to this mindless in-between stage of waiting for work, yet doing nothing, but got a lot to do stage, but it also kicks off an intensive week of a whole module! Then after that a break, and after that 2 intensive weeks of class, and then 2 weeks after that I'll be home.

As much as I've anticipated the idea of home for the past 9 months, right now I'm having mixed feelings about it. Please don't think that I've come to love this country more than Malaysia, pffbt, please, that will not happen in one million years (one million years is greatly exaggerated and the shift of allegiance may happen in less than the exaggerated one million years)... It's more because it marks the end of my uni days, per se... and means that I have to pull up my pants and start being an adult.

Being 21 is but a number, and I feel that graduating and being kicked out into the workforce at this age is far too demanding, but look where life brings people. I guess maturity is a mental state and as all mental states are, it is a matter of preparation. Right now, I'm very well... UNprepared, heh.

I'm sure as some of you will understand, at this stage of life, the future has never looked so hopeful yet look so bleak. I won't deny that for most parts of the past year I've been abroad, I have not been worrying about it all. After all, the future not only entails work, it involves relationships and decisions. I feel, the hardest is the latter. Some decisions are not my own to make. In fact, some are for certain governments to make, and some are His to make.

A man can plan all he wants, but if Fate will have it another way, what is man but to subject to It's wiser route?
Although so, I read in Proverbs 16 yesterday:

1 We can gather our thoughts, but the LORD gives the right answer.

2 People may be pure in their own eyes, but the LORD examines their motives

3 Commit your work to the LORD, and then your plans will succeed.

4 The LORD has made everything for his own purposes, even the wicked for punishment.

and some parts later...

9 We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.
33 We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall.

Hmmm, in so many ways it is scary, but verse 3 was very much comforting.
Ah well...


ps: was not crying in pic la -_-


debbeh woo! said...

i got the same verses bout those dates also.

keShia* said...

debbeh: haha wah it is fate!